Review: Goat Simulator

Baaaad games got your goat? Tired of kidding around with too much story? Boy, do I goat a game for you.

Introducing Goat Simulator for PC! The latest revolution in the highly demanded field of goat simulating games!

Well, er, sort of.

Goat simulator is a PC ‘simulator’ in which the player assumes the role of a blood thirsty goat bent on world domination, free to do whatever its little evil goat heart desires.

Now lets not kid ourselves. (Last one I swear.) This game is of really no great advancement. It offers no story, limited game play, and no real objectives other than scoring or completing absurd tasks. But what it does offer, is a deranged, homicidal, rage-filled goat. As the player you assume the role of the goat, seething with rage, your job is to simply wreck havoc as you see fit. Whether that be by disrupting a local protest by launching basketballs at the speaker, or by grabbing a jet pack and staging a Michael bay-esque scene at the local gas station, there are countless ways to wreck havoc and rain terror upon the mere morals. We are not told why this goat is so rage-filled, not that it really matters  (lets face it – its awesome) but what we do know is that it takes plenty of joy in its ability to flail off cranes, bounce off cars, and be thrown from treadmills and remain completely unscathed.

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Now not only is this goat seemingly invincible, it also possess many an acute skill; such as the ability to snag various objects (and people) with its tongue,  slow time to a crawl and fling the object into the great beyond, all while bleating various goat sounds to proclaim its dominance over the human race as it continues on its path towards world domination.

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This game is primarily built off of the Unreal 3 engine and uses Nvidia PhysX for the ultimate simulation in goat launching. And at times this engine can be a bit wonky, just as the developers like it. On the Coffee Stain Studios website we are presented with a disclaimer that reads as follows:

“Goat Simulator is a small, broken and stupid game. I t was made in a couple of weeks so don’t expect a game in the size and scope of GTA with goats. In fact, you’re better off not expecting anything at all actually. To be completely honest, it would be best if you’d spend your $10 on a hula hoop, a pile of bricks, or maybe a real-life goat.”

This game was created just as a small side project and was never intended for a proper release. However, with a large cult-like following, and several petitions, it has achieved true game status. Nevertheless, several “bugs” in this game have been preserved simply because of their ridiculousness, such as the clipping of the goats face when climbing ladders. And that is what makes this game so great. It is wonky, it is buggy, it is plainly pretty stupid, but it is the ridiculousness and the lunacy that truly make it down right fun to play.

Honestly you shouldn’t expect much. You should probably heed the dev’s warning, and spend your money elsewhere. This game is stupid. Its weird, its wacky, but its fun. It may keep you entertained for an hour, maybe for a day and depending on your outlook that may just be enough.

In my humblest of opinions this is truly a great game, not because its of the caliber of Bioshock, or GTA, its not in any way,  but because its just down right fun. On a long day after work, when you’ve had trouble all day and nothing seems to be going right, its nice to come home and see a goat fling through the air after headbutting a car, that you imagine as the jerk’s who stole your reserved parking slot, inevitably explode all while bleating celebratory bleats because ….. well…. just because.

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This game is different, its new, its fresh, its a hilarious take on the out-of-control ‘simulator’ industry and honestly I would give it a ten if I could, but I can’t. It is great in some areas but really lacks in others, but then again those areas that are lacking are completely intentional. This is a “small, broken and stupid game” that is not the “size and scope of GTA with goats” but if you enjoy flinging goats around, destroying things, blowing up cars, and flailing as you fall four stories off of a crane, all while relieving stress and giggling like a 4th grader, this is the game for you.

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Shockingly enough, I am going to say this. This may make people mad, or question my judgement but this is my true honest opinion; I enjoyed this game, and was more satisfied with my purchase than I have been with any other game I have ever acquired. That includes Falllout 3, Bioshock: Infinite, Battlefield 3, etc. At first I regretted it, but now I just see the title in my Steam library and can’t help but to giggle to myself, realizing that this is perhaps the most fun I have ever had with a game.

Now that may just be because it is new, but every once in a while a game comes along that reminds you why you play games, this is that game to me. Yes the graphics are wonderful. Yes the physics are wonderful too. But there is no story, no upgrades, no online, no expansive map, yet it embodies my love for games. Why? I don’t know, why is the desert dry? You could explain it until you are blue in the face, but that only succeeds in destroying the beauty of it all. The point is, this is a fun game, there should be a law against having this much fun as an adult, but somehow it reverts the player back to childhood where simplicity ruled and for that it has my support.

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Its sorta like Wedding Crashers…. but with goats….and parties….and fire….

 

 

7.5

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Odin

Gamer. Techie. Dog lover. Resides in The Golden State.